Figurative Language [2]:

The crazy rain and hot legs by bunpeiris

It was cut and & dried at Kurana, Negombo. Pretty cool, as my nieces at Moratuwa say. A half an hour ago when I left Kandana, it was wet, sticky & kinky to the extreme. A crazy rain crashed in out of nowhere , rattling on the windscreen like a barrage of gunfire of a high caliber assaul trifle. It was relentless, it was remorseless, it was frightening: there was
no mercy. The rain reigned supremely for a quarter of an hour and then abruptly seized. Such was the force & ferocity of the rain, I wondered if stray cats & dogs in the street would be sucked in up in to the air in one hellish whooshing force and dropped unceremoniously down to the earth. Colombo-Negombo A3 main road would have been littered with the carcasses of poor cats and dogs. No chance of such a spectacle. No, all of a sudden, all calm by the riverside, sorry, lagoon side. Not even a fly fish rained in spite of being in the immediate view of sprawling Negombo lagoon. But fish, just off the shore, was just brought into the restaurant “Jadi Jadi” by Triple R-Rusta Reggie Rodrigo, styled after www: well-built-muscled, well dreadlocked and well tattooed. And that was with some sense of urgency. Indeed, that has to be with a sense of urgency, “Jadi Jadi” being all about dishes of fish, that was the main item, the prime act of Reggie’s fishy rituals in the early morning. His remodeled remolded Toyota Pulser was blood red; all fish were dead, you know; yet the die-hard crabs [they beat Bruce Willis, hands down, any day, anywhere, but in the boiling pot] were still alive and crawling frantically out of the boot of the car.Reggie greeted me with a high five: fishy morning, Reggie. We had a chat over my second breakfast. No, it wasn’t about the crazy rain at all, it wasn’t about the glorious rainbow over a lovely little green hillock to the south-west of the lagoon either. I had no pretensions of being poetic; merely of being sexeedingly (my apologies, I mean exceedingly) sensual. It was about a skirt. It was drifting away, slowly, but not surely, not yet: get back, you hotlegs. She turned back, bemused.

Could you locate the literarydevices in the above paragraph?

[1*] Idiom- cut and & dried: lacking freshness or spontaneity not exceptional in any way especially in quality or ability or size or degree; “ordinary everyday objects”; “ordinary decency”; “an ordinary day”; “an ordinary wine”
[2*] Onomatopoeia: rattling: rapid succession of short sharp sounds,
[3*] Simile: like a barrage of gunfire of a high caliber assault rifle: relentless assault of rain is likened to a barrage of machine gun fire.
[4*] Personification: Rain reigned: rain is personified by the coronation.
[5*] Onomatopoeia: Whooshing:  move or cause to move quickly or suddenly with a rushing sound.
[6*] Opposite of personification: objectification: Skirt is slang for a girl. With the word “It”, objectification is achieved: the writer considers her as an object for pleasure.
[7*] Idiom: ‘Cats & dogs’: It is raining cats and dogs.
It was relentless, it was remorseless, it was frightening: there was no mercy.
Rephrasing: Shakespeare’s characters often say the same thing in many different ways, attempting to find the precise set of words that will express, convey, vocalize, articulate, communicate their thoughts and feelings on the matter at hand. It is as if they’re shooting arrows repeatedly at the same target, trying to hit a bull’s-eye.

By my sweet soul, I men setting thee at liberty, enfreedoming thy person. Thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
[Armado: Love’s Labour’s Lost by William Shakespeare]
Your turn now: Write a bright & breezy paragraph on a rainy morning.
[1] Have you ever seen the border of the rain when the sun shines?
[2] Have you ever seen the rainbow immediately after a crazy rain?
[3] View these two videos to spark your imagination.