Birds, Words, Corner Shot, Nuns, Deer Hunter, Pretty Women & Samson
Rambling Thoughts 1: Birds, Words, Corner Shot, Nuns, Deer Hunter, Pretty Women & Samson
by bunpeiris, Moratuwa, Sri Lanka Year 2004 (c) B. U. N. Peiris
Most of the European tourists tour in Sri Lanka are keen bird watchers. So I thought you too could be interested in the flying birds. Nice to here that you are & now have it right on your office desk. I of course, am a great lover of non flying long legged birds. No, I didn’t mean Ostrich & Kiwi. What do you imagine, am I a Camel? Yes, I know you guys in Europe have no problems, no qualms in watching birds of many feathers as they do have in America. So it was at the expense of Janet Jackson’s nipple that the Americans were leaving no effort spared to produce boobgate or nipplegate. Justine Timberlake & Janet Jackson were performing “Rock your body“ during the 18 minute interval show during AFP telecast of Super Bowl ( everything in USA is super & everything else in USA is grand, kidding or no kidding,) & Timberlake has just sung “I’ll get you naked by the end of this song“ as he moved in to pull off a leather cup to expose Janet. Timberlake was as good as his word, or the words he sang so enthusiastically. And thanks & credit to him, America had a gleeful eyeful of nice boobful! Alas! Activist groups cried bloody murder just for a tit as if it was dynamite. What the hell men, just shut up. Oh! Poor Janet. Don’t cry, honey we love your music. We love you too, with or without you displaying your lovely chocolate tit. This too will pass. Wet lingering French kiss between Madona & Britney Spears on the MTV awards last August passed too. Naughty MTV!
By the way,Janet, honey, if you hadn’t learned meanings of the words, decency & vulgarity in the secondary school, you could have joined my master class: Man is the measure of all things (with apologies to Pythogoras); words would not have existed unless the conceptions are already instilled in the humanity. “Shakespeare invented the human as we continue to know it“argued Professor Harold Bloom in his bold Thesis “Shakespeare: The Invention of Human.“ The Master has made use of 30000 words. Should that turns out be Greek to you honey, let us read German:Terry Lane has defined schadenfreude as the sensation experienced when you see two Mercedes Benz collide; Clive James admits to schadenfreude when he sees his rival’s books in the remainders bin. What’s more, the word has come into vogue these days, with American news of the celebrity & elite. Times Digest of 14th March 2004 ( from The New york Times) reports, “For many, the joint Omarosa-Martha beheading was a double schadenfreude. Both women have been frequently slapped with b word by detractors, who despise in them the aggressive, self absorbed & haughty behavior that is routinely countenanced in male masters of the universe.” The report refers to Martha Stewart, billionaire chef, designer celebrity who fell from grace with tax evasion charges & on obstruction of justice as well as the NBC hit reality show “The Apprentice“ contestant audiences loved to hate, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth who was ritually fired by real estate developer business tycoon Donald Trump. Two tragedies fell upon two women within the space of two days are twin joys (double schadenfreude) to most of other women as well as some men. Shameless Naked Apes!
R. C. Trench, etymologist and author of “English Past and Present and On the Study of Words” says “What a fearful thing that any language should have a word expressive of the pleasure which men feel at the calamities of others; for the existence of the word bears testimony to the existence of the thing.” Now you got the form & substance, honey, isn’t it? Didn’t I drive the point to the hilt, honey pot? The words decency & vulgarity exists together with the conceptions. Just remember, such little words & life would be much simpler to you, honey. Shut the f.. up man, treat the lady with some respect. Who the bloody hell are you to preach, what have you achieved? And the lady is in the top of the world.
The National Football League was fuming. “We were extremely disappointed by the MTV- produced half time show. It was totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. The show was offensive, inappropriate & embarrassing to our fans & us. It’s unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime.” The Americans learned their lesson: on 29th February 2004, at the Oscars, or Academy Awards, the U. S. film industry’s highest honors given by Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, for the first time ever the live telecast had a five-second delay in case some star decided to make some other daring move like Janet. It wasn’t needed. No star dared to pull Janetine stunts.
“It was not my intention that it go as far as it did. I apologize to anyone offended, including the audience, MTV, CBS, & the National Football League“ We accept your apologies sweetheart, yet just in case you are still serious of exposing your treasures- brown boobs with chocolate nipples- Private Ltd, producer of adult movies, sponsors of Cannes Hard Porno Film Festival of 2004, would surely be pleased to accommodate you to compete with gorgeous stars posing with pulled up or rolled up complementary Private brand T-shirts to dazzle proud creamy boobs with strawberry nipples.They did just that in 2003 at Festival De Cannes at the Mediterranean island of Santa Magurita, a French Reveira at Cannes. Those sultry & lissome hard porno stars, all pretty maids in row were nice, sexy & daring, perhaps even bit too daring for some of the professional, they had to lock themselves up in the nearest men’s room to get the the high tension off in the electrifying atmosphere. Most were not satisfied with showing off their luscious boobs. Kissing, hugging, caressing, necking, petting.. oooh! la la . This is France: that is the place. Hard porno festival: that is the time. Right time & ideal place for the perfect dolls, Janet, honey. Impressive tits of superstar Rita Palthoyana were at all times were focal point of most avid photographers, she obliged by even licking her own strawberry nipples while pushing up her proud cream boobs, that she cupped in her downy palms. And with all smiles radiant. You could be daring too Janet. And the American shy boys who daren’t steal a glance not to mention direct ogle would dream of a phonographic version of “Corner Shot“ with a shooting range of 200 meters with a 5.7 mm rifle that provides protection to the soldier by enabling him to engage targets out of their line of sight & shoot down a street, through a window or a door frame with maximum accuracy while keeping out of the line of fire. Russian soldiers during the bloody World War 2 siege of Stalingrad first had the idea of bending the barrels of their rifles to shoot around corners & their Nazi opponents developed a purpose built attachment fitted with a periscope they called the krummerlauf. E- mail address of the inventor, Amos Golan, a retired lieutenant colonel of Israeli anti-terrorist unit & joint CEO of Corner Shot Holdings, a Israeli-US company is available on order. Please contact bunpeiris@mosquito.net.bluelagoon We accept Diners Club Cards & Master Cards.
Oh! Yes, I agree with you, of course I’ll put my bet where your mouth is, on your side at your insistence that those TV viewers who made the protest & threatening to sue poor Janet are the ones, who would lean forward to ogle at the details of her chocolate tit. I wonder what would the Americans say for a Swedish style weather forecast with a sultry blonde meterologist stripping herself off piece by piece. Weather forecast with a striptease to entertain you. Joys in the world are endless as is the suffering. Oh! Sweet Jesus, Maria & Joseph, such toned & tanned long legs! Oh! Captain general Colombus, Santaaaa Mariaa, Nina & Pinta, grant us to discover what she uncover. What a gorgeous bird? Fly over my starboard & perch on my bridge. Oh! Dear! Deer Hunter ( handsome Robert De Niro), if you remember, was in love with the wife (regal Meryl Streep) of his friend (Christopher Walken) who became addicted to playing Russian Roulette on gambling in Saigon blackholes, refused to return to States. It was the wife of his friend that De Nero hunted & seduced since he returned to States. In Eastern Literature beautiful & innocent women are depicted as Deer. She deer. The title of the film “The Deer Hunter“ was arrived on this concept. The opening scene of the film, game hunting of Deer was not relevant to the title of the film. Nor was the Vietnam war in which the story was set in. In spite of being in love with the wife of his friend, De Niro returns to Saigon to bring his friend back to States & to back to his lovely young wife. “One last game, just one last… We will be returning Home.“ No, man, no… no no… do not do this.. no,. Gun held to the temple .. one gun .. one bullet… six chambers.. play the ultimate gamble… this just one last time, after all these years of astonishing luck, feel & weight of the chamber, the bullet was in the wrong chamber of the revolver. At April 1979,The Deer Hunter won Oscars for best film, best director, best supporting actor.
What would have stirred if not shaken (sorry Bond) the mind of a second world war veteran European (friend of a friend of mine) who fought in Russia that he could no longer aim a hunting gun at a Deer while still among traditional hunter family members? While Europeans are keen game hunters, even in that game Americans have done one better, or rather worse: in their gluttony to have more moose meat on the dining table, instead of hunting simply Moose they have started killing Wolves too. The theory is if the population of Wolves who prey on Moose is minimized the hunters will be able to have a part of the Wolf’s share too in addition to the hunter’s share. To this end Alaska it is now legalized for private citizens to shoot wolves from fixed winged, single engine small private air crafts & helicopters.That is not game hunting, that is bloody slaughter. In one of the districts of Alaska, limit for killing wolves has been increased from 10 wolves a year to 10 wolves a day. Age-old war on Wolves has resumed with a age-old savagery by the modern naked Ape. Disgusting! Could you please pass roasted once again? Delicious!
In the experience of a European friend of mine, it was the birth of his daughter that triggered emotions that overwhelmed the appetite to hunt hares & ducks & fish. Amazing, isn’t it? But lovely. How nice to get rid of the habit of game hunting & angling? According to Buddhism it is a sin to take lives of other living beings. Once Reuter reported of how a Sinhalese soldier treated and cured a calf seriously wounded by a stray bullet during a battle with separatist Tamil Tigers. Even after a ferocious bloody battle the soldier’s kind feelings towards the beast remained unabated.Most of the battle hardened soldiers of Sri Lankan Army are still, at heart are boys from rural areas who wouldn’t say boo to a cat. Still more, in their rural upbringing, they are used to shepherd, york cows and buffalos. Once during a conscription interview a military officer questioned the would be soldier on his qualifications on sports. Sir I can wrestle with any rouge buffalo, tame & york it the plough within half an hour“ replied the boy. “Sir this is my youngest son. My two elder sons already gave their lives for our country. Take my third & only remaining son to fight for his country too, sir, for he is as brave as his brothers.“That was his mother.
In the biography of Asia’s second Pol Pot,“Inside an Elusive Mind” Prabhakaran, Indian journalist M. R. Narayan Swamy narrates. “Kittu frequently zipped around in Jaffna, with a small monkey perched on his shoulders. Kittu had once shot a monkey by mistake. When he saw that the killing had orphaned its young one, he made it his pet” No more monkey killing, bloody Ape. Kittu was Asia’s second Pol Pot’s most trusted lieutenant until he was killed in naval battle with Indian Navy during a gun running operation. In fact Kittu must have killed the monkey, in Vietnam style, for Monkey meat is a delicacy to the savages. Biographers are sympathetic to their heroes. but to give the devil his due credit, the Tamil Tiger would have saved the young monkey. Yet the Tamil Tigers destroyed the whole Island. As if the loss of lives & limbs were not enough, colossal damage to the economy wasn’t enough, byproducts of long drawn out war since 1983 have erupted in every sphere, field & aspect of our island nation: whole social fabric was torn into pieces; social conventions are shattered; sense of morality is blunted. We are sliding down the spiral towards the abyss. To the rich & powerful & corrupted, the poor & powerless & innocent have become the most exploitable citizens.
My second sister was given date a good three months following, for the surgical eye operation for Cataract. The best eye surgeon of the Island Dr. Perera has become so famous our people were wiling even to have been kept in the waiting list for long months. That was in the main government eye hospital in Colombo. Since it was an incredible folly to wait for three months, we tried another hospital a couple of miles from our city only to have the operation in April. I gaped, April??? “That’s how the matters grind on here.” said my father. “More like matters have grinded to a halt” I groaned. So we made a move towards a private hospital. The eye surgeon therein advised my sister to have the operation done by Dr. Perera himself, since he was the one who had already successfully operated her right eye a year ago. The kind doctor explained since my sister is still young & the technology used by herself (non foldable lens) & Dr. Perera (foldable lens) being different – it would be much better to have the operation done by Dr. Perera Good doctor scribbled a letter on behalf of my sister– Dear Dr. Perera, Please be kind enough…
There were 70 patients. We didn’t have a number, yet my sister was called in just after No. 6 patient. My sister rushed in with my eldest sister while I waited outside. Good Doctor has spoken to them kindly. I am unable to do the operation tomorrow. “today is 19th Jan. Is 25th Jan is fine for you?” That’s wonderful Doctor.” All of a sudden, the matter is so easy. I was naïve. I ought to have realized the leading medical specialists do have breaks & blanks in their schedule to entertain the requests of high & mighty. So why not oblige to a request by a friend?
At my brother’s home : “So what happens to the existing lens?” asked my 11-year-old nephew “I have no idea.” On the day of the operation while we were buying the crystalline foldable lens at M/s Delmage Forsyth & Co., I learned what happens to the existing lens. It is crushed in to dust with a drill & suctioned out of the eye & replaced with the crystalline lens. So I reported back to my nephew, (eh! His questions & queries are endless) when we returned home after the operation. “Last week he didn’t know what happens to the existing lens. Now he got to know that too. He wouldn’t play a second fiddle to grandfather” remarked my third niece to her elder sister.
The crystalline lens cost USD 100 & hospital charges USD 100. The most prominent eye-surgeon of the island, Dr Perera charges USD 70 as surgeon’ fees alone for an operation that is done in ten minutes. USD 70 X 30 Patients a day- 30 cataract operations. USD 2100 a day for at least 4 days a week. And the monthly salary of a female nurse is USD 100. Disparity of income tantamount to obscenity. It is profane & really offensive. How do we justify this colossal disparity in income of our little island? Nobody cares: nobody even dream of rectifying such affairs: regulating the hospital & doctors charges at private hospitals. Do our helpless Sri Lankans like it very much? Two decades ago seven newly formed finance companies collapsed making the depositors beat their breasts for the rest of their lives. Chairman of one of the companies escaped to Australia leaving a plaque on his office desk: “when going get tough, tough get going.’ Obviously a great fan of Bruce Springsteen. It was only after the notorious failure, the Central Bank introduced a regulatory body for the finance companies. Our bureaucrats failed to establish a regulatory body in the beginning & gave them the finance companies a free hand; our stupid masses, who failed to realize the absence of a regulatory body on finance companies, deposited their life savings in view of higher interest rates compared to established & renowned bans. That is our Island. This is third world.
Since we are now tired of discussing all these bitter affairs, perhaps it would be soothing to relax & focus on a Pretty Women. The business tycoon is furious his down town working class sleeping partner was snubbed. (“They were mean to me”) at a high end designer outfits, haute couture shop at Beverly Hills. He escorts her back.
Richard Gere: (Nodding at the direction of Pretty Julia Roberts) You see this lady over there? Do you have anything in this shop as beautiful as she is?
Beverly hill shop Manager: Yes, of course…. Oh! No no no I mean we have many things as beautiful as she would want to be, that’s … that’s the point… I think we can all agree on that.
Richard Gere: We are going to need few more people helping her out as we are going to be spending an obscene amount of money in here. So we need a lot more help sucking up money.
Beverly Hills shop Manager: Sir, if I may say so, you are in the right store & right city, for that matter.
Exactly how obscene the amount of money you have in min, profane or really offensive?
Richard Gere: Ree….a..a.lly Offensive.
Beverly Hill shop Manager: I like it very much.
If we do like it very much, the reason ought to have been we have become indifferent to our day to day travails amidst the chaos of social decline, caused by the mass murdering terrorists. Some years ago I too had a sort of disparaging indifference.
Once a friend of mine faxed me a letter to editor by one Mrs. G. narrating, vehicle traffic, garbage dumps, politicians what not…. I replied to him, minced no words: “While we are wondering about the lives of thousands of those splendid young men who gave their lives so that others could live, but all in vain since the days are numbered of the Island Race of 2550 years of unbroken recorded history, it is fascinating to see the suffering at which Mrs. G beating her breast about. She cry her heart out that of garbage close to her home; how sinister is the color of tinted shutters of the vehicles our buffaloes traveling by the Diyawanaa Oya; river that of being invaded her privacy at home by the policeman while she was not wearing her wonderful make-up. Which third world country is free of such harassment of the masses at the hands of those in power? If I have a reason to be glad, in spite of the imminent doom of the Island, let it be, that so far no politician was able to pump millions of Dollars of people’s money to Swiss banks as Bhutto, Marcos, Suharto & others of their kind did. Would you please come back when that happens? With Love (Italics are mine too )
My friend replied. “I have to give it it you! Know something, I was highly impressed by what she has written. However your comments completely changed my thinking… How come I missed such a vital point? Your writing is classic. Congrats.
Since then I have developed a sharply contrasting point of view: I have come to realize, in spite of the economic & social chaos caused by the terrorism, we must not fall into a time of indifference. We must talk of Kings & Cabbages: why we have only one cancer hospital for the whole island; why only 6 universities that could accommodate only the cream of the cream of the nation; why we do not get assistance from European countries to have technical colleges founded in the line of German Technical College of Sri Lanka: why don’t we found hospital in the line of Japanese gifted hospital; why we do not hire foreign physicians & specialists; why we do not have foreign expertise on national security; why should pay offensive government tax; municipality tax; why is the high price of rice; why public funds wasted on luxury cars for the politicians; why we have such a high percentage of cataract patients; why state transport decline day by day; why we do not have more & more duplication roads in parallel with main roads in the capital city; why we do not expand railway network; why is this cruelty to children. We must rise up, speak up, push our politicians, statesman & administrators & civil servant, & bureaucrats to wounds scattered all over the national social fabric. We must not sink into abyss. We must find solutions to all: solve all. All is not lost.
In his maiden speech, “Cruelty to children’, as a Member of Parliament delivered at the Rajya Sabha of India, in 1989, by famous Indian writer R. K. Narayan stated ”…. “I am now pleading for the abolition of the school bag, as a national policy, by an ordinance if necessary. I have investigated & found that an average child carries strapped to his back like a pack-mule, not less than six to eight kgs of books, notebooks & other paraphernalia of modern education in addition to lunch-box & water bottle. Most children on account of this daily burden develop a stoop & hang their arms forward like chimpanzees while walking, & I know cases of serious spinal injuries in some children too. Asked why not leave some books behind at home, the child explains it is her teacher’s orders that all books & notes must be brought everyday to the class, for what reasons God alone knows. If there is a lapse, the child invites punishment, which takes the form of being rapped on the knuckles with a wooden scale; a refinement from our days when we received cane cuts on the palm only. The child is in such terror of the teacher, whether known as sister, Mother Superior, or just Madam, that he or she is prepared to carry out any command issued by the teacher, who has no imagination or sympathy. “That was in 1989. On 3rd March 2004, One Mohammed Haseebullah form India writing to Saudi Gazette states. “Finally we are on the Raj Bhavan road, but again there is a traffic jam. Another VIP entourage? No, this time it is an accident, an auto with just 11 school going children & their 20 kilo bags (each) collided with an Indian feeling- good father who was taking his four children to school on his scooter.”
Plight of school children in Sri Lanka is not far behind. When I asked my 10 year old niece why her school bag is so heavy she replied since on some days periods at school is not held according to the time tables all children are asked to bring all text books & note books so that they would be ready for any change of schedule in subjects on any given day. As Narayan said teachers of the third world countries have on sympathy or imagination. Once my eldest sister happened to witness the holy antics of the Reverend Mother, principal of the convent college to a couple of parents who were seeking admission of their daughter. “We do not accept Buddhist Children That is the end of the story” proclaimed the Reverend Mother thumping on the desk. Taken aback by the outrageous insolence the father of the child retorted. “This is not the manner even a reverend sister ought to speak. And you are a Reverend Mother, a principal of a college, if you have no idea how a Mother ought to speak, kindly that is, you must know at least how to speak as a human being …. Shouting & thumping like a thug. We are going to petition to Bishop himself.” My nieces were admitted to the Convent College only thanks to the recommendation letter from the Commanding Officer of the Air force base close to our city. It was at my behest my nieces started studying Christianity at the college. With my move, their father was quick to have them admitted to Buddhist Sunday School so that they could learn Buddhism at least on Sunday. His death in an air crash brought in untold sorrows & loss to all of us. He was our front man, point man. I have never seen him taken a step back. On that fateful day, it was not his turn to fly. When it was only a couple of weeks ago Tamil Tigers has acquired Surface to Air (SAM) missiles & shot down two military aircrafts, he volunteered to fly. He lived & died like Samson.
